You’ll find that no one ever said ting
A made up by you, to sound hard thing
You ain’t authentic and you don’t bring
Born with a silver spoon, no Antilles ling.

The only jerk I have beef with, is you
Inverted racism, when it suits you too
Closest thing to reggae was UB42
You ain’t one of the Rasta crew.

Thought Kingston was in Belgium on Chase
You’re now the joke, on TV council estate
Mannish water isn’t a sexism debate
Sorrel tea and escovitch fish out of lake.

Used a ghetto blaster, you’re just confused
A picnic blanket from National Trust used
Double standards, but not double mused
Gotta keep current, but you’re short-fused.

Dahn tahn skankin’ in depths of buy to sell
Arksk yourself do you want a smack as well
You swallowed your pride, before you fell
The only meal you’ll get, as far as I can tell.

(You’ll find that no one ever said ting)

We voted for Brexit, you voted in between
Checked your coordinates, you’d never been
And that cuisine, is not from the Caribbean
Delia Smith’s cookbook, yellow and green.

Ting was never a word, it don’t exist
Sounds good, but you obviously missed
Fact not Googled or even Microsoft Vist
Never heard of goat curry, now a C-list.

Strutting around, like one of the Fugees
Indeed you do, as now on your knees
Closest you got to jerk chicken, was KFCs
You wanted saltfish, ended up with peas.

A parasite, you were never quick buying
Short arms, pockets in socks, so not trying
Caught cajun cooking, it’s not even frying
You burned the hot wings on grill, so lying.

(You’ll find that no one ever said ting)

You 2 fingered us, when it was all Teslas
Glad to see you having to sell your cars
Now on the street, roof over head sparse
No more ‘up yours’ and hangin’ out in bars.

Don’t give me that Tosh, not even Jamaica
Your closest to One Love was cinema faker
Disingenuous, compounded by him in there
Stoking the fire, whilst back-combing hair.

Ting ain’t a thing and frankly never was
Jumped bandwagon, found out, now cross
Shining sun saltire of gold, green-black boss
Recalling green land of hardship and loss.

You read, but never met an obeah man
Marigolds up yourself, no broom star fan
The bank recognised you, for what you am
Thankfully got riddim of you, and your fam.

(You’ll find that no one ever said ting)

Glad to see your massive fall from grace
Walking enforced will keep fat off your waist
Recalled ghetto upbringing, you never faced
Redundancy suits you, disposable plates.

Ting was never, or will ever be a thing
Stolen Luis V and Rolex on a park swing
You make a bee line, but have no sting
Secondhand, charity shop, ex-BMW-ing.

Wheels now rusting on your Montego, bay
The walk of shame to school 5 miles away
Painful truth hurts, all alone, so touché
Don’t collect £200, or pass double dutchie.

Repossession will help to focus your mind
Shoe’s on other foot, not yours, you’ll find
No new phone or trainers, children whined
As 6th consecutive debit card, declined.

(You’ll find that no one ever said ting)

You were a gold digger, but now a miner
Homeless, single, now a job centre finder
I’d like to help, but your history’s behind yer
Better get white stick, you played a blinder.

A broken record, that’s never been signed
Corral the wagons, but it’ll be on HP, mind
I’m in a cocktail bar, being wined and dined
You’re a ‘has been’, to the past consigned.

Don’t phone again, it’s a wasted ring
Sainsbury’s, Waitrose, for your supper sing
Call on your family, my heart is bleeding
If you’ve got beef patty, that’s your thing.

Now you’re off the road, you’re better SORN
It ain’t street food, it’s just burning corn
It’s your funeral, that we will never mourn
Not black and white, as world’s really fawn.

(You’ll find that no one ever said ting)

Walk thru the valley of the shadow of death
Holier than thou, hospice clothes dressed
Life is hard, with all that anxiety and stress
Excuse me whilst I yawn, take little interest.

You bring 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish
Hopefully not expecting wine in your wish
It’s curtains for you, down more than Swish
In the dark ages, you understand, Kapisch?

2.4 fam perfect, now ain’t got no fella
No more bubbles, and can’t afford Stella
You were betting on it, now your a teller
I’m crying salt tears, lachrymal duct weller.

How the mighty fall, better get a rope swing
Now unemployed, no magic roundabouting
Pornstar cocktail to pawning wedding ring
Delete from contacts, no such thing as ting.