2026 Competition Entry:
Bike in the Rain by Kate Howard
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Lyrics
I proposed marriage to thin air.
Thin air turned me down.
Catchin’ the next bus outta here.
Gotta get outta this town.
It rains. It pours.
Point A to Point B.
I’m drained, of course.
Bleary eyed, I strain to see.
The air here’s no good for me.
I need thick air, full of smog
To inspire pledges of eternity.
So onward through the fog.
Someone stole all my clothes
And left me this bike in the rain.
Barely clad with places to go,
I’ve got a saddle full of pain.
Water, water, everywhere
And not a drop to think
Of what it’s doing to my hair.
It’ll drive a gal to drink.
It rains. It pours.
Point A to Point B.
I’m drained, of course.
Bleary eyed, I strain to see.
Six-pack abs are what I want,
But they’re not what I’m gettin’.
You are what you eat; I’m a croissant.
If worries came true, Armageddon.
What’s Mother Nature to Father Time?
Is she more than a hot mess?
How do you measure the sublime
On a scale from 1 to ridiculous?
When I ask these questions,
Are their answers my aim?
If kangaroo court is in session,
Are marsupials to blame?
Are they to blame?
Are they to blame?
Thin air turned me down.
Catchin’ the next bus outta here.
Gotta get outta this town.
It rains. It pours.
Point A to Point B.
I’m drained, of course.
Bleary eyed, I strain to see.
The air here’s no good for me.
I need thick air, full of smog
To inspire pledges of eternity.
So onward through the fog.
Someone stole all my clothes
And left me this bike in the rain.
Barely clad with places to go,
I’ve got a saddle full of pain.
Water, water, everywhere
And not a drop to think
Of what it’s doing to my hair.
It’ll drive a gal to drink.
It rains. It pours.
Point A to Point B.
I’m drained, of course.
Bleary eyed, I strain to see.
Six-pack abs are what I want,
But they’re not what I’m gettin’.
You are what you eat; I’m a croissant.
If worries came true, Armageddon.
What’s Mother Nature to Father Time?
Is she more than a hot mess?
How do you measure the sublime
On a scale from 1 to ridiculous?
When I ask these questions,
Are their answers my aim?
If kangaroo court is in session,
Are marsupials to blame?
Are they to blame?
Are they to blame?
Author
Bio
“So Sharp. Sweet. Slightly surreal. And absolutely unforgettable.” (Odyssey) Kate Howard has competed in the O. Henry Pun-Off ten times; written three plays; and was a tech writer for 20 years before stumbling into songwriting at age 50. She’s since written over 400 songs. She released her debut album, “The Best Medicine”, in 2021. Her folllow-up EP, “I’m Not Here to Help You”, came out in spring 2025. “There’s a genuine humanity here that recalls the best of Vonnegut’s fiction, where profound sadness and absurdist humor coexist.” (Indie Dock) Kate participated in the inaugural Texas Women Songwriters Festival. She is currently working on her third release with Seela Misra producing.
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