Exit Strategy

I wrote this song two years ago, it was about two years after I had planned my suicide. Grim as it sounds, at the time I was seeking freedom from the pain and suffering that years of depression and the suppression of childhood trauma had caused. But, fortunately I found a different way and a new way to freedom. It was through my faith and I understand the rolling eyes because I went into it with the same skepticism. But, prior to the exit I had planned I joined a faith group seeking relief and looking for answers. The group’s symbol was the image of a door opening. Beyond that door within the comfort of the group’s discretion I finally found the courage to share my experience of childhood trauma and depression. That didn’t make the path I was on any easier, but for the first time I didn’t feel alone. So, after years of coaxing by my primary care doctor who recognized my condition, I finally sought the professional help beyond his care that I desperately needed. And, on a very frigid winter morning I waited outside the office of the psychiatrist I was planning to see. It was so cold that morning that the door was actually frozen shut and no matter how hard the nurse who was trying to let me in tried she could not open the door. I had all but made up my mind to leave and probably would have went on to complete my plan when a gentleman came from down the street and opened the door with his first try. The recurrent symbolism of the door at the moment was lost on me, but the gentleman was my new doctor and the door he opened literally lead to the treatment that saved my life.